


Love, Bram

by AraHinam



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene, Movie Spoilers, POV Bram Greenfeld, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 18:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14087337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraHinam/pseuds/AraHinam
Summary: It was different, knowing that Jaques was Simon and Simon wasJaques. No longer was he chatting innocently with a boy who he may or may not be falling in love with. Now he was chatting with Simon. Cute, awkward Simon who seemed to survive on a near constant stream of caffeinated drinks and his dangerously sharp wit. Simon, who’s laugh always seemed like it was at least 60% self deprecating. Simon, who he’d been unknowingly talking to for a number of months and had slowly fallen in love with. Bram let out a deep sigh, rubbing his temples. He should have stayed home.





	Love, Bram

“Hey, did you hear about Simon?”

It was all anyone could talk about. Simon Spier had been outed in the most public way. The post had been taken down, but the damage was done. The murmurs echoed through the halls like a whisper. Who had outed him? What was with the pen name? I didn’t know he was gay, did you? He doesn’t seem gay. Who was Blue? 

Bram should have stayed home. 

He had left for winter break on such a high. School was going great, he’d submitted all his college applications on time, soccer coaches were scouting him, and Jaques was an ever present shining star in his life. Bram didn’t know how he survived without emailing his Jaques every day. He was funny and clever and seemed to know Bram on a level no one else did. He’d never been in love before, but he had a feeling this was it. 

Then everything came crashing down. 

Bram pushed through a crowd of gossiping students to get to his math class. The one he shared with Simon. He slid into his desk, trying not to see Simon and the thick cloud of sadness surrounding him. But of course, he couldn’t help himself and peered over his shoulder. 

Which was a mistake. 

Simon looked miserable. He was scribbling something unimportant into his notebook and was trying his best not to notice the whispers and stares thrown his direction. Bram couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. He’d seen him arrive in his empty car and Nick, Abby, and Leah arriving in another. He spared only a moment of anger towards Simon’s so called friends for abandoning him in his time of need, but then Bram remembered how he had quickly blocked Simon’s email after he figured out Jaques was him and replaced the feeling with heavy guilt. 

When Bram has first gotten cell service he had eagerly opened his email, hoping Jaques had fun stories to tell him about his Christmas break. He had expected anecdotes about his sister or his best friends or maybe he’d gotten some wild extravagant present. What he hadn’t anticipated was a near frantic email telling him that he had been outed. That his Jaques was Simon Spier. 

It was different, knowing that Jaques was Simon and Simon was _Jaques_. No longer was he chatting innocently with a boy who he may or may not be falling in love with. Now he was chatting with Simon. Cute, awkward Simon who seemed to survive on a near constant stream of caffeinated drinks and his dangerously sharp wit. Simon, who’s laugh always seemed like it was at least 60% self deprecating. Simon, who he’d been unknowingly talking to for a number of months and had slowly fallen in love with. Bram let out a deep sigh, rubbing his temples. He should have stayed home. 

“Dude, you okay?” 

Bram startled out of his angsting, looking up to see Garrett looking at him curiously. He was so deep into his thoughts he had completely ignored the bell. 

“Yeah,” Bram said, shrugging off his mood, “Sorry, still tired from break.” 

Bram followed Garrett through the halls into the cafeteria, trying to block out the constant chatter around him. He heard Simon’s name too many times for comfort and did his best to ignore them. 

The lunchroom was buzzing like a beehive. Bram saw people flitting from table to table, gossiping about ‘Simon the new resident gay kid’. Bram ducked through the lunch line and settled at a table with Garrett on the far edges of the cafeteria. He couldn’t help scanning the room for Simon, and his heart sank when he saw him sit at an almost empty table. Alone. 

“Wow, can’t believe his friend’s dropped him like that,” Garrett said, picking questionably at his burger. 

“I didn’t peg them for the homophobic type.” Bram said softly. 

“I heard it’s cause he tried to play matchmaker,” Garrett responded, “And failed spectacularly.” 

Bram was about to respond when he heard the music. A cackling Spencer and Aaron were streaking through the crowded cafeteria, Spencer wearing a sad looking wig that looked too much like Ethan’s straightened locks. 

“Oh shit.” Garrett murmured as the two boys jumped on the lunch table and proceeded to mock Ethan and Simon. 

Bram had never felt this kind of anger before, and his blood was positively boiling by the time Ms. Albright put a stop to the blatantly cruel display. Suspension was far too easy for those assholes, Bram thought, he wanted to pummel them into the ground. 

The next few weeks seemed to drag on endlessly. No matter what Bram did he just couldn’t avoid Simon’s grim expression and the depressed set in his shoulders. He was always alone, slinking though the halls trying not to be seen and it took everything in him not to reach out and wrap him up in his arms. 

‘I’m here,’ Bram would say, ‘It’s me. I’m sorry I left you alone.’ 

But he never did. 

Soccer season had long ended, but Bram practiced year round with Garrett and a few teammates. Today they were running drills at a park soccer field, simple things like dribbling and basic defense. There weren’t enough of them to do a full scrimmage, which currently worked in Bram’s favor today because he couldn’t so much as keep control of the ball-- his thoughts too plagued by Simon’s lonely face. 

“Dude, you didn't even try to block that!” Garrett said, irritated as Bram failed to avoid yet another steal. 

Bram rest his hands on his knees, panting, “Sorry, I zoned out.” 

“Zone out somewhere else, Bram,” Garrett replied, wiping sweat from his brow, “If we want to make college teams we need to be on our best game.” 

“I know!” Bram snapped causing Garrett to startle. He immediately felt guilty as his friend looked at him wide eyes, “I’m gonna take a break.” 

He shuffled off to the side, falling heavily to the ground. A headache was brewing in between his eyebrows and he didn’t know if it was because of exertion or the weight of his secret pressing heavily on his mind. 

“Bram?” 

He looked up to see Garrett sitting next to him quietly. The rest of his teammates wrapping up and going home. Bram sat up, resting his head on his knees. 

“Bram, what’s going on?” Garrett asked, “And don’t tell me it’s nothing, you’ve been acting weird for weeks. You’re my best friend, and I’m really worried about you.” 

Bram huffed out a sigh, pressing his forehead harshly to his knees, “I’m sorry.” 

Garrett snorted, “Don’t apologize. Just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.” 

Bram looked up, staring pensively out at the field. Children were playing at the playground, enjoying one of the first warm Saturdays in weeks. So carefree and happy, not worrying about things like image and sexuality and whether or not the world would outright reject them just for being who they are. Bram wished it could be that easy again. 

“Garrett,” Bram said softly, “I’m gay.” 

An immediate feeling of crushing dread and breathtaking relief coursed through Bram’s system. It was the second time he had said those words, but the feeling of adrenaline and fear was all the same. He couldn’t take those words back, and that both scared the shit out of him and made him feel almost giddy as just a fraction of the weight lifted off his shoulders. 

He hesitantly peered at Garrett who looked equal parts shocked and calm. 

“Oh.” He said lamely. 

Bram fidgeted, “I don’t want to make it awkward between us. I just thought you should know.” 

Garrett nodded quickly, “Of course.” He said reassuringly, “I’m uh glad you told me.” 

Bram nodded. 

“Does anyone else know?” 

“Just my dad. I told him when he came to visit.” 

“Oh. Well that’s good. Ya know, that someone else knows too.” 

Bram nodded again. 

“Are you gonna tell anyone else?” 

Bram’s insides squeezed at the thought and he shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know.” He paused, “I don’t know if I’m...ready.” 

“Yeah, no that makes sense. Especially after what happened with Simon. I won’t tell anyone of course.” 

The mention of Simon made Bram curl in on himself just a bit more. Garrett looked at him questioningly until realization finally set in and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. 

“Oh!” He gasped, “Oh. You? You’re that guy Simon was talking to? The guy in the emails.” 

Bram thought about denying it, but figured it was too late and nodded without making eye contact. 

“Does he know?” 

Bram shook his head no. 

“Oh,” Garrett sighed, “Alright. This is a lot to take in.” 

“Yeah.” Bram said grimly. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Bram groaned, “Every time I so much as think about it I get a headache.” He rubbed at his temples, “I stopped talking to him after I figured out it was him. It was just too weird, too different. I felt so comfortable talking to him when he was just some faceless guy that I could relate to without worry, but now I know it’s _Simon_. It’s unfair that I know who he is and he doesn’t know who I am cause I’m a coward.” 

“You’re not a coward, Bram.” Garrett admonished, “I mean I’ve never come out before, but it seems terrifying. If you’re not 100% ready then it’s best to wait. I know I would.” 

“Simon wasn’t 100% ready.” Bram said sadly, “He had only told Abby before someone posted our emails. And now everyone’s abandoned him. Including me.” 

The two boys sighed. There was no clear, easy answer to solve this. Garrett reached over and squeezed Bram’s shoulder comfortingly, “Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.” 

Time passed and Bram continued to watch Simon sulk through the halls. He thought about sitting with him at lunch again, just to give him someone to talk to, but he didn’t trust himself not blurt out his secret impulsively. 

When Simon made his post on creeksecrets, Bram stared at his screen for a full 10 minutes before the panic set in. Shit. Shit shit shit! He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t come out to the whole school when coming out to Garrett almost made him throw up. A text chimed on his phone from Garrett, asking if he was okay and Bram slammed his laptop shut and flipped over his phone so he wouldn’t have to look at it. 

No, he wasn’t okay. 

The next day Simon looked happy for the first time in weeks. He strutted around the school with a smile on his face and a skip in his step. Despite the queasy nerves sitting in his stomach, Bram felt overjoyed that the boy didn’t look so depressed anymore. At lunch, Simon still sat apart from his usual friends but happily plopped down at a table with some of the other theater kids. He chatted with them happily, blushing ever so often and Bram desperately wanted to know what they were talking about. In that moment, all Bram wanted to do was be a part of Simon’s world again. 

As the bell rang and the cafeteria cleared out, Bram swallowed his nerves and fell in step beside Simon. 

“Hey Si,” He said, trying to keep his voice from shaking, “How’re you doing.” 

Simon smiled brightly and Bram absolutely did not swoon, “I’m doin good. Better. Things are starting to look up.” 

“I’m glad,” Bram said, “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you lately.” I’m sorry I abandoned you. 

“Don’t worry about it. A lot happened, and I understand it was a lot to take in.” 

Bram nodded, “Still. I’m sorry.” 

Simon smiled again and Bram was starting to question his self control, “I forgive you.” 

They walked together quietly for a moment before Bram couldn’t help himself, “I saw your post. Are you really gonna meet him tonight?” 

Simon blew out a deep breath, “Yeah. Yeah I really want to meet him. And I know he might not be ready, hell I don’t know if I’m even ready, but I at least have to try. If I don’t, I’ll always regret it.” 

Regret. Bram could understand that. He’d had a lot of regret these past few weeks. 

“That makes sense,” Bram stuttered out, “Well, I hope it works out. I’m rooting for you.” 

Bram tripped over his feet as he hurried away, hopinh he didn’t look too suspicious. 

That night at the play, Bram couldn’t take his eyes off Simon. He wasn’t a main character, but he commanded the whole stage every time he was on. Bram may or may not be bias. 

Garrett went with him to the carnival, sneaking curious glances at him every time he thought Bram wasn’t looking. He didn’t know what he was going to do, probably because Bram himself didn’t know what he was going to do. There were too many possibilities. Too many ways this could bite him in the ass later. His own mother didn’t even know he was gay, and here he was on the brink of coming out to the entire neighborhood. Bram stopped at a concession stand and bought a bottle of water and tried not to let his hands shake. 

A crowd was forming as Simon went round and round on the ferris wheel, people cheering him on as he took his stand (or I guess sit) for love. Bram thought he was so brave. He wished he could be that brave. 

As time passed he could see Simon’s smile sliding off his face. Garrett kept flicking back and forth between looking at Bram and looking at Simon, secretly hoping Bram would go for it. Bram stood fixed in his spot. 

The ferris wheel worker announced Simon’s time was up and the crowded echoed it’s disapproval. Bram squeezed his eyes shut. He missed his chance. 

“Wait!” Martin yelled as he hurried up to the stand. He revealed himself as Blue and Bram felt a bit betrayed as the obvious lie before Martin handed over a few dollars for one last ride. 

This was it. His last chance. Bram clenched his hands in a tight fist. He couldn’t do this. 

He took a step forward. 

He absolutely could not do this. 

Another step. 

Simon’s pursed his lips and settled in for another lonely ride. 

He could do this. 

“Wait!” Bram said, hurrying forward, “Can I sit there?” 

Simon looked at him, shocked, “Uh, I was kinda waiting for someone.” 

“I know.” Bram breathed out, and slid into the passenger car. 

So much had built up to that quick simple action. Just sitting in the passenger car with the maybe love of his life. He sat back in the seat, pointedly not looking out at the crowd of his fellow students, and wondered if maybe he’d made a mistake. He had just come out to the entire student body. Everyone was gonna know now. There was no way this wouldn’t spread like wildfire in a matter of minutes. Shit. What had he done. Bram turned to Simon, fully prepared to make up some piss poor excuse as to why he was sitting there, and was rendered speechless at the look of utter happiness on Simon’s face. 

“It’s you.” Simon said, dumbfounded, “You’re Blue.” 

Bram took a second to catch his breath and smiled, all the guilt and nerves seared away by the light of Simon’s smile. 

“It’s me.”


End file.
